09 November 2006

Things to come in the future

To give you an idea of where I am going with my story, future posts will include the following and a lot more!!!

The Dentist

"Ahhh yiiiis I speeek a leetall Ingleeesh" my God, I thought, this guy is about to let loose on my sore mouth armed with pigeon English. My French conversational skills at this time were good but due to my fear and nervousness I offered the Dentist a conversation about fishing. Can you imagine what it is like when you have an injection in your mouth and the guy says to me "deed you get anyfing in ze sea feeshing?" Automatically I spoke in French "ahh oui..." biting the syringe and his hand, he then squirts fluid over my face and says "pas de problem..What deed you get"......after 2 hours, I had arranged a sea fishing trip on his boat (I think)

The Doctor

After eating 48 oysters with my Father-in-Law I felt a bit ill. A bit is an understatement. I was ill. I couldn't move without throwing up. Of course the fact that I was in my in-laws flat didn't help. 24 hours of vomiting later, my Mother-in-Law called the Doctor. My Father-in-Law spoke good English, all be it old fashioned English. Phrases such as "we like your Bobbies in London", "my pencil is red" and "Do you know Prince Charles" are all common 'piss takes' I suffer. Anyhow, when the local Doctor arrived, he took one look at me and decided I needed a lot of drugs. In France it is commonplace to get a lot of drugs, when I say a lot I mean you'll need a carrier bag when you go to collect it from the pharmacie. The Doctor needed to take my temperature, my in-laws and wife were all in the room translating (although I am sure the mother-in-law was actually smiling, almost in anticipation). The Doctor then pulled out his slightly larger than normal thermometer, I smiled and opened my mouth, raising my tongue. The Doctor turned to my wife "what is this?" (in French of course) my Wife, smiling turned to me and sayed in her great English "that is going in your arse love". In my arse!!!!! To make things worse, the in-laws seemed to be waiting to watch this "can you get them out" I said "But you must stay, I don't trust this bastard"....

Next weeks posting is the trip to Cuba and how it took three months for my Boss to accept my desire to quit! My new life in England and my first experiences with booking hotels in France. And of course the great BD festival (you'l need to read nexts to find out more!)

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